I would like to begin today’s reflection with this, a pondering of a Biblical verse that I mentioned last week: “No one has greater love than this, to lay down one’s life for one’s friends.” (John 15:13) I expect most people would read this anachronistically, supposing that Jesus is referring to his death on the cross, and not without reason. John is by far the most theologically advanced of the four canonical gospels, giving us a wholly different portrait of Jesus to the Synoptics (Mark, Matthew, and Luke). Thus, it is reasonable to assume that John would include more allusions of this kind, reflecting the emphases placed on the life of Christ by later Christian teaching. Nevertheless, perhaps there is room for more to be said. To “lay down one’s life” need not be read so literally.

What does it mean to say you would lay down your life for someone or something? It could mean nothing other than, in broad terms, that you have a great love for that person or thing; a love so great, in fact, that you value it over your own life, the only life you can be sure you have. If you were gambling, this would be the equivalent to going all in while you expect to lose. Your ultimate self interest is transcended by your concern for the interests of the other, which thereby confers a value upon it. Christian martyrdom (as well as martyrdoms in other faiths) was always esteemed for this reason: to die for Christ/God meant to value him more than your own life, whereas to apostatise meant to value something more than your love of God—or so orthodoxy would suggest. That said, death is not the only way to confer value. Haven’t you ever been roused by someone’s inspired mission to help others, for example? There are countless people who sacrifice their time, energy, and even sanity for the betterment of their fellows. Think of Doctors Without Borders, charitable volunteers, parents, and the likes. I do not mean to suggest that these people are perfectly altruistic (a hot-button issue in moral philosophy), but I will confess that they make notable sacrifices for the sake of others, therefore conferring a value and dignity upon them. Despite having nothing to do with death, this is the very essence of martyrdom, which in its original Greek only meant “testimony”. The way you act testifies to your values, and sacrificial action takes you beyond yourself by placing the value with which you ascribe to yourself on someone or -thing other. I think it is entirely plausible that this is the best reading of this verse.

And yet, it’s not that simple, is it? This is assuming we have perfect freedom to choose, but we often don’t, do we? I might like to buy more ethical clothing, but can’t afford to do so. Maybe I would love to stop eating meat because I despise the thought that it was a living creature. Perhaps you’d like to spend more time with your kids but work too much. Maybe you’d really love to give up that sleazy corporate job but need to pay your debts and bills. There are all sorts of ways our values and interests conflict with one another. Suppose, for instance, that in the example I gave of one who works too much that their job was a supremely ethical one—let’s say, hospice care—and thus their dilemma was not simply a practical one. One would then have to choose between two valuable things, and that can be challenging.

But I’ll up the ante a little bit with a more extreme example. One of my favourite novels (and feature films) is Shusaku Endo’s Silence, which I am almost positive I have mentioned before. Based on a true story, the protagonist, a Jesuit missionary, is forced to choose between his own faith and the lives of the Japanese Christians. This was the dilemma put to him by the Japanese officials, and so he (reluctantly) apostatises, which is korobu in Japanese. He had to choose between two goods: God and human lives, both of which he valued. I’ve heard some vehemently argue that his apostasy was the wrong choice, but I’m not so sure. He dreamt of a glorious martyrdom, and, despite the opinions of some, I would argue he attained it. Is the man who is martyred for his faith truly a martyr if he thinks it’s “glorious”? It’s probably far easier to throw yourself to the lions if you are waiting on a life in Paradise. He was martyred. It just wasn’t the martyrdom he was expecting. He sacrificed his integrity as a priest for the lives of others. It was, in a strange way, very Christ-like. No one expected the Messiah to die on the cross, after all. And so I ask, what would Christ say of this? Was this not his life, as he knew it, laid down for others? Is there any greater love?

I say all of this, of course, to suggest that if one truly desires martyrdom of any kind, this may well be what it means. To lay down one’s life for others means complete self abandonment for others’ sakes. You might sacrifice anything and everything for them, and yet there is that sense of value motivating your actions then that will not leave you. That can never be given away. So, as you live your own “testimony”, may you take comfort in that. For I wonder whether the priest ever truly abandoned his faith at all. Did he not want to imitate Christ? And maybe you’d have chosen differently to the Jesuit, but be mindful of your reasons for doing so. Would you count yourself any more well-intentioned?