Recently I wrote about what was perhaps the most powerful confession I’ve made in my life so far, but the story doesn’t end there. As I said then, it’s not like the Priest waved a magic wand and fixed everything. I also said that it freed me to live with myself, but that it didn’t rid me of my guilt and regret completely. Why is this? Why is it that we don’t completely “bounce back” after confession? We are still wounded by our sins, it’s true. Otherwise, what’s to stop you from sinning and confessing in an endless cycle? There would be no reason not to. So, in what way did confession actually liberate me?

Having reflected some more on that experience in confession as well as my experience afterwards, I realised that by making me free to live with myself it meant that it set me free to admit that I’m a sinner, that my actions have been less than ideal. The New Testament word translated as sin, harmatia, means just that: to miss the mark. One of the worst things someone can do in such a state is live in denial of who they are. I don’t say this with any judgement, but denial is what allows us to continue in such behaviour which is perhaps long past its expiration date. As such, it keeps us from seeking the healing that we need to recover from those wounds. The addict, for instance, doesn’t want to admit that he has a problem, but as any counsellor would tell you, accepting that you have a problem is a big step.

So, my confession allowed me to do just that: admit that I had a problem. Obviously I’ll keep the details of what that is to myself, but what I will reveal this much: that by finally admitting—with a great deal of sincerity and emotion, I might add—that I had a problem, only then was it possible to honestly think about how to change it. By freeing me to live with myself, it freed me to take a good look at the way I was: the things I liked, and the things I needed to change. Amidst this moment of self-reflection, there was another epiphany: I am radically contingent and can’t fix myself on my own. There is, of course, a spiritual side to this: we are all dependent on God’s grace. However, there is also a socio-psychological sense in which this is true as well. We are all dependent on one another, and should be open to receiving the help we need in that way as well: from spiritual directors, family, friends, or counselling. When the Apostle James says to “Confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed,” (James 5:16) I doubt he was picturing the confessional as we see it today. His vision is of a spiritual and therapeutic openness within the Christian community. God doesn’t stop working outside the confessional, after all: He can work through anything and everything.

So, allow me to clarify what I said before: confession can be a powerful moment of catharsis, but it’s not the end of the journey. Quite the contrary! Confession made honestly and from the heart is perhaps the kick in the ass you need to at last get on with it, and do what God is telling you to do: “Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect” (Matt. 5:48), or at least do your best, and this is God’s grace just as well. The peace it brings it the grace to do better, but it is not intrinsically a method of self-improvement and it’s essential that we realise this. God not only give us the supernatural gift of forgiveness in confession, but also the ability to see ourselves as we are and as we’d like ourselves to be. The transformative power of confession goes well-beyond absolution, and by accepting God’s grace in this way, we inherit the ability to radically evolve and grow with that very grace as a welcome guide.