The funny thing about therapy is that, while you might assume that it’s about one person telling another person all of their problems, it’s actually about two people, not one. You need two people to have any kind of relationship, and that is precisely what therapy is. On the very last day of my placement in spiritual care, which is broadly related to psychotherapy, I was told that it felt unfair for me to be leaving. We come and we go, not always knowing what it means to the people we engage with. I was touched, I really was. It was nice to have made a difference to someone’s life, to be someone who could leave a positive impact. At least that’s my goal. Inspired by one therapist, Carl Rogers, my first question when I enter a room as a caregiver of some kind is this: how can I be what this person needs?

This is somewhat akin to what St Paul meant when he said, “I have become all things to all people, so that I might by any means save some.” (1 Corinthians 9:22) People “vibe” in different ways, after all: some appreciate humour while others appreciate thoughtful discussion, activity, an attentive ear, or simply company. And that’s why, in my admittedly limited experience, I think it’s important for a caregiver of any kind to have a multifaceted personality. You need to be able to get along with different kinds of people.

This is true of life itself, I think. We are required to meet and work with so many different kinds of people sometimes that it bodes well for us to relate to people of different fancies and flavours.

And this ties in to my broader point: that while most of you reading this won’t give a fig about what therapists do, you can still learn from them. How do you approach others? How do you help a friend in need? How do you forge strong connections? It’s not about deception, but rather discernment. Ask yourself: what part of me can I bring forward that will make a positive difference in this person’s life?